The last Women's Retreat Carol and I put together at church, was titled 'Transitions'. It was Carol's title for the teaching and speaking she prepared that weekend and, as usual, she was right on. Briefly, in synopsis, our time together that weekend focused on the immutable foundation of our identity (Child of God) vs the many changing roles we play on life's stage (i.e. daughter, sister, friend, wife, mother, grandmother, professional, etc.). Carol also talked about the fact that every transition in life involves some kind of loss, and if we get stuck grieving the loss it represents (though some amount of sadness is inevitable), we could miss the gifts of God's blessing in that change. For the last several months, I've been looking for the gifts in some of the recent transitions in our lives and, while some have taken longer to discover than others, I have not been disappointed!
My Mother-in-law has been struggling with her health for the last couple of years. She has had heart disease since her late fifties, is now approaching her 80th birthday and her health has become quite fragile. It has meant some amount of sacrifice of time and effort and learning how to be nurses and caregivers as my sisters-in-law, my husband and I try to manage time and jobs and availability to participate in her care. There have been several hospitalizations, times of fear and depression, and even some sibling disagreement regarding some of the decisions that have to be made. Oh, but the blessings!
My husband and I have been married 39 years, and my relationship with my Mother-in-law has not always been warm and fuzzy, though we have certainly enjoyed times of closeness and laughter and deep understanding. We have also known times that are not so sweet. Marraige represents the blending of three families; the two families of origin and the new family made up of the products of the original families. Sometimes, that blending seems to happen seamlessly, like the blending of cake batter; other times it's like trying to blend oil and vinegar; a whole lot of shake up resulting in separation as soon as the ingredients are allowed to settle a moment. Most of the time it's a combination of both. The blessing of this time of transitioning to caregivers has been watching my Mother-in-law navigate her transition from family matriarch, and giver of gifts and advice, and holiday planner to one of dependence.
My Mother-in-law has been struggling with her health for the last couple of years. She has had heart disease since her late fifties, is now approaching her 80th birthday and her health has become quite fragile. It has meant some amount of sacrifice of time and effort and learning how to be nurses and caregivers as my sisters-in-law, my husband and I try to manage time and jobs and availability to participate in her care. There have been several hospitalizations, times of fear and depression, and even some sibling disagreement regarding some of the decisions that have to be made. Oh, but the blessings!
My husband and I have been married 39 years, and my relationship with my Mother-in-law has not always been warm and fuzzy, though we have certainly enjoyed times of closeness and laughter and deep understanding. We have also known times that are not so sweet. Marraige represents the blending of three families; the two families of origin and the new family made up of the products of the original families. Sometimes, that blending seems to happen seamlessly, like the blending of cake batter; other times it's like trying to blend oil and vinegar; a whole lot of shake up resulting in separation as soon as the ingredients are allowed to settle a moment. Most of the time it's a combination of both. The blessing of this time of transitioning to caregivers has been watching my Mother-in-law navigate her transition from family matriarch, and giver of gifts and advice, and holiday planner to one of dependence.
Because she is unable to stand, has no strength in her legs and very little in her arms, there is little she can do for herself. She's had to relinquish her privacy, modesty, and self-determination in even the most mundane decisions of the day. It would be enough to make anyone crabby and critical and be cause for complaint! Yet seeing my Mother-in-law manage this transition in her life has been an education! I've seen her express genuine gratitude for the smallest acts of kindness, grace in circumstances that leave her completely dependent on the care of others, maintaining a sweet spirit that is both lovely to see and experience! Her courage in the face of ill health and her character in the face of adversity are inspiring!
My Mother was a fond of a line she'd read in a Maxine cartoon, and deemed worthy as a personal motto. "Getting old isn't for sissies!", she'd say at times when she couldn't manage some chore or activity that had been accomplished so effortlessly before. I've been made aware, as time unfolds, how much truth my Mother's adopted motto holds! My Mom went home to Jesus more than two years ago, and now I'm watching my Mother-in-law display incredible pluck and determination as she endures the betrayal of a weakened body and diminished ability to manage even the simplest things in life.
My Mother was a fond of a line she'd read in a Maxine cartoon, and deemed worthy as a personal motto. "Getting old isn't for sissies!", she'd say at times when she couldn't manage some chore or activity that had been accomplished so effortlessly before. I've been made aware, as time unfolds, how much truth my Mother's adopted motto holds! My Mom went home to Jesus more than two years ago, and now I'm watching my Mother-in-law display incredible pluck and determination as she endures the betrayal of a weakened body and diminished ability to manage even the simplest things in life.
What my mother didn't tell me is that getting old isn't for the proud and haughty! That's a lesson I'm learning from my Mother-in-law as she displays humility, humor, patience, and gratitude.
